Should you stay with your wife/husband for the children’s sake, even if you’re in a loveless marriage, have little in common any longer and can barely stand to look at one another, let alone have a conversation!  This is a dilemma faced by many married couples, struggling to stay afloat in their relationship.

The decision to part ways and divorce would be much easier in a childless marriage, with no ties.  When children are involved, the dimensions change and things become far more complicated.  Your children have to be your first priority and every good parent will always want to do what is best for them.  There are so many factors to consider when there is not just the two of you to think about in a relationship split.  Separation and divorce without the tie of children is a much simpler process to navigate and enables a much easier escape, severing all ties.  Neither party need ever speak to each other again.

The main consideration in a loveless marriage when there are children involved is how is your soured relationship affecting them?  Although pretty resilient, children are very expert at not showing their true feelings and emotions.  They may appear on the surface to be unaffected and stable in their lives, but deep down the damage may already be slowly creeping in and have started to have a detrimental effect on them.  Signs of your child being affected include feelings of insecurity, clingy behaviour, reverting to ‘baby-like’ actions, bed wetting, lack of concentration/performance at school and even temper tantrums and social withdrawal, to name but a few.  In short, children are very aware of their surroundings and can pick up the bad vibes between you and your partner very easily.

When things go wrong in a relationship and you really feel you have reached the point of no return, it is very difficult to pretend that everything is okay and normal at home, in front of the children.  Trying to be nice to each other and maintain a calm environment in their company, only puts more strain and resentment on the failed relationship.  When the children are tucked up in bed at night and the voices become raised, the fights start and the shouting and even sometimes domestic violence erupts, ask yourself how this type of behaviour will affect your little ones.

Perhaps you feel that you should stay with your partner, as splitting up the family home would involve much upheaval for your child.  The chances are that you would have to move home, perhaps to something smaller.  Maybe the move will involve moving schools and leaving friends and support networks behind.  You may wonder how you will survive financially on your own, with one wage to manage on. This factor in itself is enough to make most people think twice about a new single life.

It is very important for children to look to their parents as strong role models with a positive outlook on life.  If your child sees an angry, moody and negative parent, this will reflect badly on their impression of how a good marriage should be.  Of course if things have progressed to the devastation of domestic violence and/or alcoholism, this is then an unacceptable environment for any child to be in.

If you are unhappy and depressed, the impact will be felt strongly by your child and then you really have to take action.  Emotional damage to a child can have a life lasting effect, causing them to potentially find difficulty in building their own solid relationships in the future.

So you’ve got yourself a hot date.  The build up begins.  You start to anticipate the night ahead.  Your tummy has butterflies.  You feel excited.  You get anxious.  You are suddenly aware of your figure and hair.  You want to look your best.  Your appetite is affected.  Maybe you find that salad more alluring than the steak and chips.  Suddenly you panic.  You ask yourself the question, what do I wear?!

Well the first question to ask yourself is where are you going on your date and what time of year is it?  There would be no point wearing a smart shift dress if you were planning on a cross country walk.  Stiles and above the knee dresses definitely don’t mix!  Naturally you wouldn’t want to wear a strappy cotton number in the depth of winter.

Footwear is another matter.  Lovely and elegant as they are, do you want to suffer the pain of your six inch heels, which look beautiful with that dress or do you opt for the sensible option and go for the less glamorous look.  You need to be realistic and decide which shoes you feel most comfortable in.  This would apply to your outfit too.  You need to feel confident in your outfit.  Don’t make the mistake of following the latest fashion trend, if it really doesn’t suit you.

The danger of dressing to impress, can present you as being over dressed and even possibly (for the over forties) ‘Mutton dressed as lamb’.  Not the look you want to convey.  You should also avoid coming across as too overtly sexy.  Low tops and plunging necklines with plenty of cleavage have their place, but may be not on that first date.  Dressing like some hooker, will certainly attract plenty of attention, but will not send out the right signals to your date.

So what should you wear, taking into account all of the above?  As we mentioned before, one of the most important things to consider is your comfort.  If you feel at ease with yourself, you will be more relaxed and nobody loves anything better than a confident smile, making you so much more attractive in the process.  In our opinion, unless you are attending a ball or dinner dance – highly unlikely on a first date, you cannot go wrong with a decent pair of smart jeans (avoid the ripped, bleached effect one’s!) and a pretty top.  Keeping things less fussy is definitely best.  You can still look a million dollars in figure hugging jeans and a smart top.  It would be advisable to keep make up subtle and opt for a more natural look, than a full on theatrical red lipped face.  After all he will want to see the real you and not some mask!  Don’t over do your perfume.  You don’t want him to pass out from your intoxicating Chanel No 5, as beautiful as it is!  Above all have fun, smile and radiate that beauty from within.

Clothing advice for men

For you men out there, avoid the vest and muscle look, even if you do possess a six pack, like Peter Andre.  Flaunting it will no doubt send the wrong signals and in any case you’ll spoil the mystery of what may be to come.  Anything too bold or comical may also send your date fleeing for the nearest taxi rank!  A Homer Simpson musical tie and a hawain shirt won’t cut it unless you know your date is completely colour blind and a massive Simpson’s fan!  You can’t go wrong with the smart casual look – smart jeans or Chino’s and a collared shirt.  You can push the boundaries of your attire once you’re found out more about each other, that is if she thinks you’re gorgeous enough for a second date!

Dating dislikes are a personal thing that’s for sure. The things one person loves someone for can be the cause of a ruined relationship in another case. There are though some common trends that we all share when going on a date. So here’s a list of the biggest turn offs in the world of dating…

Hygiene. The top of the list by far in the league of dating dislikes. It may sound obvious but in truth, it is often overlooked, especially by men. Turning up for a date doesn’t just mean a quick rake of the hair and the straightening of a t-shirt. Remember, first impressions count and may be the only impression you leave.

Clothes are big dating dislikes. The wrong clothes that is. It is a case of dressing in the right outfit for the occasion. There is no point dressing in your very best if it is a casual lunch date, however for a romantic dinner somewhere nice you need to dress to impress. Once again, too tight, too short or too fashionable may leave you feeling out of place for the date and wishing you hadn’t bothered. The most important thing to remember is to be comfortable.

Money. A big issue this one in the dating dislikes list. Too much chat about cash and you are out, too little ambition and you are out. Seriously, keep your cash conversations to a zero level and enjoy your date together. It can leave your date feeling very uncomfortable either way. If you are dating out of your financial zone then don’t try and pretend as that will be fatal. Instead always keep to something affordable, after all, you are spending time with someone, not their bank balance.

Lying. People tell lies on dates, in fact most people do and this is a great dating dislike. They do this because they want to appear exciting and invigorating and interesting. People are usually seeking honesty and this is one of the basic building blocks of any new dating experience. If you tell lies at the beginning they will eventually get found out and when they do your partner will begin to wonder what else you might have lied about.

Getting drunk. This is one of the biggest mistakes to make on a date. The most promising dates can end up going nowhere simply because one of you ends up getting too drunk. Now 99% of the reason behind this is nerves. Many people are far better with a drink inside them than without. It’s a relaxant, it calms nerves and fears and promotes a feeling of confidence. In that sense, a drink is good for dating, the problem is that it doesn’t end there. If you are nervous you can end up drinking too much and making a fool of yourself.

So bear these things in mind when you have a hot date lined up, after all you really do want it to go well and then hopefully this date will lead to another!

Here are a mind boggling catalogue of dating disasters that we should bear in mind as lessons learned.

1. In top spot – dating a married person. Man or woman, it makes no difference. In every version the story was the same, dating a married person was a complete disaster. Not withstanding the lies, deceit, regret, cheating and false promises, on NO occasion did anyone I asked have a good outcome for their married affairs. This was one good example of how to waste your years waiting for someone who will never leave; sharing your loved one with someone else and spending thousands of dollars on stolen moments and brief weekends where you were not the only person on their mind. Avoid like the plague unless you want to lose all the dignity you ever had.

2. Amazingly not marrying your childhood sweetheart was number 2. It appears there are a lot of people who have spent years wishing they had married the person of their dreams when they had the chance. Unfortunately this often tends to be your childhood sweetheart or first love at college. At the time you are too young and there are too many other fish in the sea. In later years you have used them as a bench mark of the minimal level of romance required for potential partners and never quite match it. This leads to a feeling of making do with second best. In turn you start hankering for the girl or boy from all those years ago.

3. Not asking someone out on a date when the offer was there. This is a biggie because we are dealing with the eternal niggling “what if..” question. This tends to come out as a regret at a time when other things are not going well and you find yourself fantasizing. What if you had asked him out. What if you had said yes to that date. What if you had got married and had children. It seems that not asking someone out can leave a long term legacy. Just look at the popularity of reunion sites on the Internet just now.

4. Not ending a bad relationship earlier. Yes lot of us listed this one. There are many of us who have entered into a relationship willingly only to discover to our cost that the relationship wasn’t all it could be. Whilst the door was only over there we chose for many a reason not to walk out of it. Whilst perhaps a worthy concept in itself it does none of us a service. The fact is, too many of us have stayed in long term relationships that were not good for ourselves and our partners. If only we had had the courage at the time.

5. Dating the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Maybe for sex, for appearance, for contacts, for business reasons or even out of sympathy. It appears that there are plenty of people out there who have dated people for the wrong reasons and lived to regret it. This has to be balanced against hindsight. Looking back it is obvious which people we perhaps should never have dated but there are plenty of us who dated the wrong person at the time and knew we were doing it. No excuse.

6. Putting your career first and waiting too long. Oh yes, this is a modern classic. Our current society has a problem in that a third of all adults are now single – and growing. The most commonly sited reason is that we put our career first, especially through out 20’s and then begin seriously dating in our 30’s when we feel ready. The problem is that we are not as young as we were, not as attractive as when we were 21 in many cases, our body clocks are ticking at a  deafening volume and all the best catches have been snapped up. A great many of us appear to be wishing we had sorted out our love lives earlier. Be warned.

7. Leaving someone you were in love with. I don’t have the answers but it cropped up quite a few times in my survey and could be tied in with point 2. People in love have left and seem to struggle to find an explanation. All too often the decision was regretted very quickly only to find that the rejected partner had closed and bolted the door and you were never going to be allowed back. Infidelity is the primary cause, or more to the point, getting caught. If you love someone stay with them faithfully appears to be the lesson here.

8. Not being the nice person you could have been. Treating someone badly in a relationship always comes back to haunt you if you are the guilty party, however empowering it may have felt at the time. As we grow older we list mentally those we could have been nicer too and I am amazed how many of us confess we could have been nicer people to our lovers. I am not talking about physical violence though we all accept that it does exist within our society. No I simply mean being courteous, kind, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, buying flowers, compromising, going on holidays and being romantic and spontaneous. We live and learn and later regret is clearly the message.

9. Dumping someone in a callous and bad way. I have done it and I have had it done to me and I regret both happening. When young it was easy to love and leave and I never thought anything of it. As I grew older I had it done to me by someone I loved and it broke my heart. I don’t think we every do get over being left in a bad way – no explanation, no reasons given. One day it’s fine, the next day you’re gone. Dumping via email, texting or phone should be made cardinal sins and it appears from my survey that many of us regret doing just that.

We have put together some information on body language on a first date and what it all means.
The more eye contact you establish the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Be bold and try holding full eye contact, and try flashing a small smile. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room, also shows a definite lack of interest so if you notice this try to change the topic of conversation, maybe ask some questions about them.

First impressions count, so make sure you are looking your best. When you are looking your best you will feel your best and then you will exude confidence. Confidence, although not arrogance, is definitely attractive.

Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you’re open to them. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass or your hair, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act
Having your hands in your pockets, or balled in tight fists are not good signs. Finger tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.

Your posture is one of the most telling body language signals. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the person you’re conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head and crossing and uncrossing your legs, give the message that you are interested. If you notice any of these that is a good sign.

Steer clear of chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food as these are definitely body language disasters. One last tip… you’ll know things are going really well when you begin “mirroring” one another’s body language and gestures.

We hope this will give you a few things to look out for next time you are on a date, that will give you an idea of how successfully the date is going, even if you haven’t had any verbal feedback!